It’s my honest belief that God not only loves our uniqueness, but that He created us so unique for a reason. Did you know that your fingerprint and the pattern in your eyes are completely unmatched from any other human being – both dead and alive? I bet you may have known that based on the scenes in science-fiction or other movies that show the safe being unlocked from a hand-print or retina scanner… but I bet you didn’t know that the ridges of your earlobes, the bumps and lines in your tongue, and the prints on your toes are just as unique!

Consider with me, for just a moment, those parts of your body that are so unique… what could that mean in the “body of Christ” when each member has a place and purpose? The body of Christ is not unlike the body God made in His image, our human body. It is full of diversity, unlimited human variety, unique individuals called for a specific place in this body.

Many of you know bits and pieces of my story, my walk with God, and my heart for people. What I hope to do through this letter, is solidify who I am and what God has called me to do. If for some reason, you find you have questions or thoughts about what God has called me to, please don’t hesitate to ask! I implore you to remain honest and open with me, whether it is painful to hear or encouraging.

If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 1 Corinthians 1:6

I started my walk with God when I was a kid. I didn’t know it, but He was walking with me. There were times I had a bible and in my loneliness, afraid of the dark or things that move in the night, but too used to not having anyone to save me – I sought refuge in words. It wasn’t a faith-based action. I didn’t look for Jesus, angels, or demons. Perhaps it was intuition, or God’s own saving grace trying to tell me that I wasn’t alone. However, reading passages from this book would calm me and allow me to sleep in times when I thought I’d never get rest.

It isn’t just that God was present during the youngest and most tormented times of my life, His love flourished in me. I was not just a survivor with a mother on the brink of losing her own sanity, I was the mother of a lost, young woman who called herself, “Mom.” I was the protector of a boy, my brother, who never deserved to see the things I endured on my own. My heart was for people in my surroundings that seemed to be alone… lost… hurting… even in their flaws, mistakes, and fears.

While I was 10 I lived in Fresno for a brief year and a half. A young girl who lived across the street from us in a, perhaps more, disturbed apartment complex, spoke to me. She said she was afraid of her father. Having already experienced molestation, abuse, and the fear of being alone, I didn’t hesitate to seek a safe place for her to just breathe. I sacrificed my own fear to spend the night with her in a bathtub, slyly pretending to be unaware of her father’s fowl intentions, playing it off like two little girls just wanted to spend the night together in a silly place. I did this a few times, all under the supervision of my mother who didn’t know any better.

My heart has always been open to loving and caring people in the dark. The dark is not always an unexpected place, more often than not, the dark is a place of comfort… familiarity… people like me who have had to endure the dark… find comfort in it. While not proud of it, the dark places of our lives are sometimes so common, it feels like home.

Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners – of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Jesus might display His immense patience as an example for those who would believe in Him and receive eternal life. 1 Timothy 1:15-16

I am not perfect and I will never claim to be. The biggest flaw I find in Christian culture is the need to portray an image of self-righteousness in a world where our Lord, a good and loving God, the true manifestation of LOVE itself… humbled himself to save our wretched, lost selves who spend far too much time in the dark. A man, but also a fully aware, all-knowing God, knew that even in the highlight reels we so willfully imitate and portray to the general public… were lies. He knew that we weren’t perfect. In fact, he knew exactly HOW imperfect we were and He STILL died for us.

Those who attend church every Sunday, sit peacefully pew-from-pew, and pray and praise a God they claim to love unconditionally, but deny Him more often than they’d like to claim. We live in a country that thrives on self-sufficiency. We set goals upon goals for our own self-betterment, but we can’t find it in our hearts to pray for someone in the public eye for fear of condemnation… all the while our Savior faced the epitome of condemnation from His own people.

After years of feeling cornered in the darkness, alone and forced to endure to survive, God, who spent almost 30 years walking beside me knowing I paid no attention to His saving graces, miracles, and love… watched my stubbornness cause a shattered soul, broken… damaged… exhausted. He watched, like a concerned father who knew there was a method to this madness, as His daughter cried out to Him for the first time in her entire life. Oh, the joy in His eyes… If you only knew. That one, single, moment when His daughter finally saw His eyes… His heart… There is nothing like a father rejoicing over a daughter.

My life was forever changed… not because of anything anyone could humanly do for me. My life changed because for the first time in my entirety I gave Him a chance. I opened my eyes, my heart, my spirit… and I sought HIM. I now read the Bible with excitement, not just because it quite literally is the greatest book ever written, but because it finally means something more than a book that puts me to sleep. Because a man, a God, a sweet-tender-REAL LOVE, saved me.

I have devoted my life to this LOVE. I sing for Celebrants and our new sister ministry, His Presence Ministry [#HPM] and every gift, talent, or skill that inherits my body is given straight back to God. I do not ask for a paycheck, nor do I require payment from every person I help. God showed me the value in the body of Christ… We are meant to care for one another, to work together for His Kingdom. I care for my brothers and sisters and He provides.  From designing flyers to completing the ministry newsletter that requires more than just writing a few articles… it requires research, layout design, then the printing of 1,000 of them to be folded, labeled, stuffed, and sealed one-by-one. I work… and I work HARD.

Celebrant Singers, preparing for their 40th Anniversary of God’s Faithfulness, and a full summer of ministry and mission outreaches, keeps me busy. #HPM, as it thrives on the boldness of our brothers and sisters to take the JESUS in them outside of the four-walls of safety to raise up an army for our glorious Kingdom, keeps me busy. When a friend just needs a friend, I am there. When God sends me divine appointments, I embrace and welcome them. When I have an opportunity to pray for someone, I take it – whether we’re at Starbucks, near the local bar, homeless in the street…  I will pray.

Though I am free and belong to no one, I have made myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible. I do all this for the sake of the Gospel, that I may share in it’s many blessings. 1 Corinthians 9:19, 23

God is not just calling me to have a job, He is calling me to live a life. My life is devoted to whatever He calls me to, because He knows that my history calls for chaos, unorganized, unstructured, spontaneous need for HIM… and there isn’t another more qualified than I.

All those the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive away. John 6:37

I have only one ask… that you will, upon reading this, see me in a different light. Perhaps I am not the sweet miracle missionary you had in mind… or, perhaps I’m not the misguided fool you possibly assumed. Or, maybe your love for me just simply intensifies because you see a pure, sincere plea for a new view on the heart of God. Maybe you see a sister that is willing to take you for who you are, right-here-in-this-moment without need to change or be cleansed. Whatever it is you see, I hope and I pray that you will see my honesty, sincerity, and love for you.

Any one of you who does not renounce all that he has cannot be my disciple. Luke 14:33

I may not be able to fully engage in a relationship with every individual I come across, but the love I possess for God’s people does not become deemed invaluable because our time is so limited. If you find that you feel called to take part in any of the things I am involved in… Please do not hesitate to let me know. Prayer support first, financial second. God is my boss, my provider, and He absolutely provides. Jesus said that if we couldn’t sell everything we owned, leave everyone we know behind, to follow Him… then we cannot be His disciples. Determined to be His disciple, as I am called to be, I am giving up my car this month because I cannot pay for it. Not because I don’t want my car, but because I don’t need it and Jesus promises to supply my every NEED.

Whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my disciple. Luke 14:27

I thank you for spending this small amount of time to read this novel of a heart I possess. You are each in my heart and I am wholeheartedly devoted to sharing His love as far and wide as I can – through His undeniable guidance.

For I do not mean that others should be eased and you burdened, but that as a matter of fairness your abundance at the present time should supply their need, so that their abundance may supply your need, that there may be fairness. As it is written, “Whoever gathered much had nothing left over, and whoever gathered little had no lack.” 2 Corinthians 8:13-15