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How many times have I told you that a plane could fall on our heads any min? 😂

It’s like the virus is a plane.

I feel like whether the world is further into chaos in 2 weeks or we’re opening up the world by then, at least people are finally seeing what actually matters. Anyway, this is a long post–but I just felt it on my heart to share why my perspective is the way it is.

In my 20s, I was an atheist. I remember what it was like to think about death. I also, later, became suicidal. So, these two facts became a part of my testimony because it gave me a couple of perspectives.

From my atheistic point of view:

1. To consider there is NOTHING after we die, is a very empty thought. To simply disappear into nothing… So, I thought we had to focus on making a lasting impression so that our memory lives on. I also was especially fearful of anything stealing this life from me. It was mine and it was my responsibility to keep myself alive. Above that, anyone that I loved (and you know my heart’s too big) I heavily feared losing. I used to have panic attacks as my dad just *neared* 65 because that was around the age my grandma died. When there is nothing left, this life is all you have and every detail matters far more than it should. Regret and resentment are easy to attain when you have a strong perfectionistic desire to live a perfect life and still find happiness. Because of this, I 100% understand the fear of this virus.

2. To believe that we are in charge is especially scary when you take into account that our universe evolves at a constant rate, so not even science can maintain accuracy. We get busy with our plans and we put off gatherings with loved ones assuming there’s a lot of time left. We make decisions based on statistics, and that leaves out the beauty of miracles when the lesser percentage proves your math wrong. This virus, for example, is a mutation of one we’ve already known about with many more like it. Whether it was man made or not matters little, because the point is … It now exists and even if we COULD have done something to stop it, it still exists now. There’s nothing we can do to change the past and there’s no way to know what tomorrow holds. This fact has always been true, even for the world’s geniuses. So, could it be safe to say we’re not in charge? But, to say this to someone who doesn’t understand God and expects routines and strategic plans to meet goals down the line can sometimes sound harsh… Because we put a lot of work into plans and expectations. So, because of this I 100% understand the fear of this virus.

But, let me explain the other perspective. The suicidal perspective:

When you’ve let the world beat you down and you’ve believed every lie… Death no longer looks unappealing. At some point, the emptiness is far better than the hell you’re living. But, in my heart I thought of everyone else… So, even though I wanted to die, I didn’t because I didn’t want to shock anyone and I didn’t want them to see the mess I was. In fact, I kind of think there’s a part of me where I didn’t want to die… just to protect my image 🤦 in some respects, this kind of death — pandemic death — is easier to accept than me being selfish and taking my life. Because of this, I probably would be totally psychotic right now about the virus without God. Because one one hand I’d be scared for my people and on the other I’d not care about me.

So, let me tell you about my 3rd perspective… The one that actually brings me peace today:

1. I have to humbly admit that I don’t know everything nor can any human know everything — so anything from anyone’s mouth or post is taken with patience and consideration. Whatever I don’t align with I let it go and whatever I do, I learn from. Even the news, government, pastors, etc. I will be obedient, but I don’t believe everything.

2. I have to appreciate the moments, especially the small ones. I say this because it is the small moments that pivot us into a different path, subtly. It’s the lady who gave $7 towards my mission trips that I remember. The fact that in high school 2 girls bought me candy because they cared. The time I was prayed for by a stranger who just knew I needed it. The person who gives away half of their own so that we both don’t starve… The little things. Because those are EVERYWHERE. If you look, you can see SO much beauty in the world… But instead, we focus on crime, money, and status. 🤷

3. I have to know that my work goes beyond a “job” or something that only happens for 8-12 hours a day. My work is to love, spread peace, and be a vessel that shows the glory of God through the characteristics of God that is LOVE. And to do that, I must know God… Since I must trust God.

4. I have never said I was the best. I don’t say I have it all together. I don’t claim to be “not a sinner” or that I am “righteous” — though to God, He makes it so in the blink of an eye. I no longer shoot for perfection but for matters of the heart that can be messy and imperfect. I focus on why I’m doing something instead of how… This makes me see the difference between choosing to be cheerful giver and a self-induced slave to obligation. I don’t boast because the work I do, sometimes even I am blown away by… I don’t plan well or try to perfect a plan because I leave room for spontaneity. Sometimes we have to go and let God do, and that is why I can’t take credit 🤷 therefore, most things that come out of me that don’t have God involved are usually not that awesome and I cannot be the best.

5. I believe that I can do anything if it’s God’s will, so I no longer hesitate or fearfully hold back. He has taken me all over the world, to almost every state in the US, and I’ve faced almost every fear I’ve ever had with Him. I have been sick as a dog with no voice and still gotten up to sing a concert and well, too. I have lived on faith alone for almost 3 years with little income and watched Him provide for me day in and day out. I have seen Him change people into completely new people. I have walked into dark corners of my past with Him and healed wounds I didn’t even know I had. So, I don’t believe a single thing can stop me when I’m in His hands… Because of this, I’ve been more successful as an individual, proud of myself, and love myself more and more each day.

6. There’s no longer just the hope of emptiness after life on earth… For two reasons. 1) I love everything I do and it’s this can’t stop, won’t stop mentality… 2) there’s not just emptiness after life here. I heard this question a number of times from a number of people… Suppose there is nothing after you die and you just die… That’s it. But suppose there is a heaven, and suppose all this time on Earth you could have known that, lived a healthy life getting to know a good, loving Father, and then transcend into heaven… Except, if you spend your life believing there’s no God, do you really want to wait and find out when it’s too late? Wouldn’t it be smarter to give God a chance today and have a peaceful hope of heaven as your future eternity?

7. God isn’t just a mythological idea to me. God isn’t a rule and order system. God isn’t a dictator. God isn’t cruel or selfish. God didn’t cause the virus. God is my mentor… My Father who gives awesome fatherly advice… My best friend who laughs at and with me, makes jokes because He knows my humor. God doesn’t smite the gays or send you to hell for having an abortion (that does not mean I agree people having abortions, but that’s a topic for another day)… God is LOVE, the purest form of love. And the world we live in has skewed the idea of love to be conditional and romantic, but love exists even in a stranger and has NO CONDITIONS. So, love can be found everywhere which makes me see visually that He, God, is everywhere. He loves me more than I’ve ever known someone to love me. He has saved me from myself and literally all I did was put up a white flag and give Him all I could. Once I stopped trying to argue His existence or stubbornly refuse to even consider Him a reality, He made Himself known.

I am looking at a world of literally spooked sheep. People don’t know what to believe. There’s 100 different predictions of what’s to come… There’s Hope and there’s despair. But to me, there’s nothing to fear. I am not in control and I never have been. If all humans came together to combine their knowledge, we still wouldn’t know everything because things are always changing. People die on a daily basis from random things, so death is inevitable.

The coronavirus doesn’t scare me, death doesn’t scare me, but people without God worry me. Of course you’re worried. Of course you’re scared. You have “facts” being thrown at you from all directions, opinions of drastic measures that may not happen but feel like they could, and with 8 billion people on earth, we’re just creating a frenzy.

So, look. If I told you that I knew of a medication you could take that doesn’t ensure that you won’t die or get sick, but it brings a peace that makes no sense, a joy that can’t be stolen, and a love that you’ll never want to give back… Would you take it?

Because Jesus didn’t come for the ones who were healthy and well… He came to heal the sick. He came to doctor our spirits back to life. ♥️

Love y’all ♥️