I often wish I was like God: omniscient… to be able to be in all places, at all times, and able to love on and minister to everyone who’s willing to let Him. That is until I realize how many people think the very thought of Him is absolutely insane… That’s gotta hurt. That’s a lot of people, so a lot of hurts… and my heart is painfully full of Love. My heart is so invested in so many people, I don’t know if my brain can keep track of every detail… my heart just knows the heart.

But I can’t be there for everyone, every time. This is the hardest part of love. There is a peace that surpasses the pain… but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. In fact, I hold myself back from showing just how deep my love is to a lot of people… because I know they would just consider me crazy. It hurts to love someone who doesn’t love you, and I don’t mean romantically. I mean… in general.

There are some who believe love is in action, which I agree with to an extent, but when you are involved in the work I’m involved in, there is an overwhelming amount of hurting people… and one person can’t be there for all of them.

I don’t know if I’m the only one that’s ever felt this. Perhaps, I’m just a little crazier than the average human. But sometimes I know something without words, and there’s this brain freeze like experience when I attempt to explain it. I just can’t get the words out… It’s as if I know what I’m feeling, but as all the words start to express themselves they all jam and crash against a closed door, imprisoned and painfully blocked.

But I find that the more I keep quiet, observing in forced patience, what God will do next… He says it for me, not always through me. This brings me to a place of realizing that in my faith, I may often be presented with the honor of knowing the truth of God, but not always will I need to share it with the world. Sometimes it’s just a moment between Him and I. Like a testimony of how real He truly is.

FAITH is a powerful decision. God, the most awesome scientist ever (in my opinion), created humans… and loved us humans more than any other creation, by the way… and in order to be humans, we had to be given free-will. He had his angels and they were programmed to love Him. But humans didn’t know everything the angels knew, and the less they knew, the more they had to CHOOSE to love God.

Since we weren’t perfect, God was unable to be with us and yet He desired to do so… So, He took on the pain for us, suffered and limited Himself to experience humanity and because He was God, He knew what needed to happen was necessary and endured the horrific and painful life of Jesus perfectly.

Jesus lived, died, fought in hell, and victoriously rose again… He did it all just because He wanted to be with us. Because of His victorious sacrifice, He embedded in us the opportunity to encounter His Spirit as vessels. When you CHOOSE Him, He embeds Himself within you and you carry Him everywhere you go. He does His works through us, empowering us with LOVE, which brings healing, joy, compassion, kindness… and everything else beautiful about love.

When you have control over your own life, you make mistakes… That’s just part of the human experience. There isn’t a single person who can say they’ve lived a perfect life. If you’re like me, you probably make mistakes every single day. But God, working through people just like you and me, balances our universe. While I can’t be there for this person, at least this other person is able… only, it’s God’s plan, God’s doing.

We’re puzzle pieces in a sense, considering how we fit in with our circle of people. Only so many people fit perfectly into the grooves of our edges, but it takes other pieces beyond just our edges that make the whole picture come to life. We’re connected, we don’t all get along, but we’re together because God is with each one of us, all the time.

There is power behind comparing children of God to a human body, made up of an innumerable amount of cells, making up tissues, producing parts and organs that all must function together to live. While we can endure and still fight this life without hands and feet, it can make it that much more difficult. When one part of the body is sick, the whole body feels it. We are living in an era where it often seems as though our body is sickly. Division, opinions, offense, and a lack of grace in our hearts and minds has created a broken church, a broken body.

But it is a gift, this life… Not simply to live and do as we please, but the more I understand the value of healing a member of the body I belong to, the more I desire to make my body healthy. While I cannot be the answer to all, I believe in the ripple effect. I will love you, so that you can love them, and they can love the next. My hope is in God’s production of this masterpiece shaped by the innumerable puzzle pieces we are, not in my ability to do all things in all places at all times. This is what laying your life down looks like.